Loneliness.

The loneliness seems to have crept back into my life as of yet and leaves me asking question "Will I have to deal with this my entire life??"

Should I be glad that it is not depression, or is it just really the same bird of a different color?

I am proud of myself for at least delving into why I feel this way and questioning the validity of it. Here are some reasons I have come up with:

I live on a Mountain Top in the country, isolated from most (it is called the Georgetown Divide).

My daughter and husband seem to have a life and responsibilities, unlike myself, and leave me here alone for a good portion of the day to over-think things.

The career that I am looking forward to is taking FOREVER to start up.

Farm Exchange and Farm to School are waiting in limbo for me to get up and do something. (insert swift kick in the a** here)

And then there is the trailer.

Yes, this cute little trailer with red rims causes deep irrational fears in me. I am realizing that I have come up with every excuse in the book for why I can't trailer. The weather, tires, butt chains, spare tire. I avoid it like the plague, because I am deeply afraid to lock the chains and shut the door. Ohh, I am not afraid of driving them, just shutting the door.

Though I know I could be out and about in the world riding my horses, not lonely, eating up hours of unemployed day, I just cannot seem to get past it. But I have to. I must. This will be the weekend! (insert power of positive thinking comment here)


And so I leave you with this...

"Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for."
Dag Hammarskjold